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Children have a natural talent to circumvent anything they perceive as drudgery. If you are like me, you feel accountable for the quality of education you supply to your children. Unfortunately, what we perceive as opportunity and responsibility, children sometimes see as (they say in the vernacular) a drag. As a home schooling parent, I can not let this happen with home school activities (or any other part of the household, for that matter!) since chaos shortly follows and then no one benefits. Here is a list of common stall tactics my students use:
- Constant interruptions (changing the subject, too many questions, asking for drinks, etc.)
- Negotiating to do the least favorite job last (then they do everything else so slowly that they never get around to the last job)
- Playing possum (pretending to not feel well)
- Conveniently misplacing things needed to do the job
- Amnesia (conveniently forgetting to do it)
- Shabby work (partially done, sloppy, or not even the correct assignment)
- Plain Stubbornness (just refusing to work)
- Tit for Tat (wanting something extra for cooperating to do the undesirable job or offering to do extra chores to get out of the undesirable job – this can be tempting, but in the end, everyone will lose)
Sometimes children will do these things without really thinking about them. Other times, they have well laid plans. Either way, making sure you do not reward these behaviors is very important to ceasing the perpetuation of the objectionable behavior. Usually, the entire point is to put off a task, so here are a few ways I deal with it:
- Make the task due immediately (I call this ’stopping the world’ – absolutely nothing else happens until the task is done, with the exception of breathing)
- Make it the least-liked assignments the first items on the to do list (I like to teach ‘just get it over with.’ Google the term “If+you+have+to+eat+frogs”)
- Require the task to be done more frequently (if you try to get out of writing science definitions at my school, you will end up writing definitions in every subject)
- Assign multiple copies of the same task to be done, without access to the prior completed ones (repetition = boredom)
- In some cases, I have been known to ‘alter’ an assignment when there has been demonstrable cause to do so. Being reasonable shows your students how to adjust to changing circumstances.
As usual, the best way to equip yourself for dealing with children is to know each of them well. Children give us the chance to be like angels.
Piece of Cake!
Good habits and routines make for a much smoother day at our house. But it takes a lot of work and consistency to start and keep good habits. God’s work can involve many tedious, under-appreciated tasks, but we should learn to find joy in them.
Get up, get ready!
Consistency in routine makes the day go smoother, especially if you have to do things like schedule many children around one bathroom! I have one phrase that sets my children into motion on their morning routines, “Do your four morning things!” Why four? Four things are easy to remember. (It really involves doing more than four things, as many sub-routines are included, but they don’t seem to notice.) I have taught them that if they are unable to perform one of the things because, for example, the bathroom is occupied, then they move on to another thing and come back to the incomplete one later.
All Messes Are Everyone’s Messes
Most of the messiness in our house is caused by group play, and so everyone must pitch in to pick up. This tends to work nicely and follow over into chores as well. I find that children would rather work together than alone, but getting them not to play and do the chore is the trick. Plus, the best cure for a messy child is to have them clean up after someone else’s mess. They start to realized that it’s very inconsiderate to be messy and not clean up after yourself. Making a pick up time a few minutes before meals is also a great incentive.
One thing at a time.
If you are anything like I am, you can feel overwhelmed by everything that seems like it needs to be done in one day. One way I combat this is to put each task on a sticky note and arrange them on a wall or fridge in order of importance. Remind yourself that there is always tomorrow and sometimes there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done – and be okay with that! Remember that children can help in small ways that can really make a difference – and they will learn the joy of service to others when you express your gratitude.
Think out loud.
Helping children prioritize on a general level is difficult. When is it time to play? When is it time to do chores? How do I know what I should be doing right now? I have started to ‘think out loud’ when putting together my daily schedule. Just stating that it’s time to pick up is not enough, they need to know what you are thinking to come up with the task that needs to be done. If children learn how to go through general priorities – hygiene, cleanliness, studies, chores, etc. – then they can start to figure out for themselves what they should be doing. So I would say, “First things first – is everyone done with getting ready for the day?” Then move on to, “After getting ourselves ready, we get our surroundings ready – is that done?” You get the idea.
It takes time and humans aren’t perfect
I always remind myself that children go through many phases, and keeping consistent through the phases is very important and ever so difficult. There will be things that they want to do, don’t want to do, can do and can’t do. There will be days they want to cooperate and days they don’t. On the days they are cooperative, I try to show them how much I appreciate it. The other times, I just try to get through the day as best I can with a smile. My goal is for my children to grow up to be adults that know joy in each task that is God’s work.
Wrap up the day
Bedtime is another good time for routine-building. Brushing teeth, getting on pjs, and picking up are just a few of the things we do. Something I heard the other day from a fellow parent was in regards to children that get scared at night. Ask them to talk to Jesus if they are upset. I am starting a new thing at our house – a short devotional time before turning into bed. I’ll write more about that later and let you know how it goes.
